My name is Pawan Sharma and I came from a Hindu background. Born and brought up in a typical middle class Hindu family with all fears and Rituals worshiping more than 100 of Gods and Goddesses, Idols, Stones, Trees and every possible creation where I made to believe these as of Gods. Non vegetarian food was a big No as it was considered as Sin. We all our brothers and sisters were not even allowed to touch Goat as it was a big Sin according to one of the so called God my family has been worshiping for years and years. We had instructions not to eat with people who are non-vegetarians. And we all groomed in one fear or the other worshiping men, idols, creation and everything but not God.
As a grown up child I used to fear in the night as some evil force used to capture me during my sleep and I used to wake up with a loud scream which can be heard in and around of my house. Many times my father took me to Tantrik (self made God) who claimed to remove such forces but nothing happened and I have gone in deep bondage.
My education has suffered; and restricted to a mediocre student only. I could finish my graduation with average marks. After getting into job I got into drinking habit. Initially I used to drink occasionally and for fun but later this habit gripped me and I become a habitual drinker. And this has kept going on for years.
At the same time when I used to see people of different religion group doing n number of rituals for a common cause and all of them claimed to be right and customized their own Gods and Goddess according to their comfort; I developed a deep thirst that there is something wrong and the truth is something else. I had many questions but did not get answers.
I started going to a Centuary (Ashram) in Rishikesh and took Diksha from the Guru and become a disciple there. I used to attend Meditation camps there for a week or two in the search of God. I used to do all chorus from early in the morning till evening including meditation, cleaning, helping in cooking, worshiping idols. The Guru, there I used to treat him as if he is God. I used to sit at his feet. I shared my questions and doubts but did not get an answer that can satisfy my soul. I remained associated with them for more than 15 years. But the emptiness in my heart has become more wider.
By that time I got tired with my drinking habit as it has started affecting me physically. I wanted to give it up but did not have much strength to resist it. At this time I was working with a foreign multinational and earning good. Due to the recession; our project closed down and I got laid off. I had one of my colleagues who happen to be from a Sikh family but when I come to know that he has accepted Jesus as his God and become a Christian, I got surprised.
It was December 2008 and Christmas was about to come, I said to my friend that I want to see how people celebrate Christmas and he gladly invited me but exactly a day before my mind got changed and I decided not to go. He called me to come to his place on 24th night but I was not willing to as I wanted to drink but when he insisted I got agreed and reached to his place with a bottle of Rum. There was another friend of mine with whom I drank at his place. But that day I was not enjoying my drinks even after consuming half of the bottle. My friend narrated me some of the hard truths of mankind and God and few things hit me. We did not sleep till 1 o’clock night.
Then the next day of Christmas came, we all three got ready and went to church. It was a nice Church; on entrance we greeted with flowers and flyers. We took the front seats and settled there. In few minutes time their worship started and I saw with a surprise that everyone in the Hall is singing and dancing with the songs closing their eyes no matter what others will think. It was a new experience for me. I looked here and there then I also closed my eyes and started singing with them. After some time doing this I started feeling something good and a peculiar kind of happiness; which I have never experienced; filled me inside. I enjoyed the whole worship and then the preaching which was also filling and satisfied. After the service we enjoyed the Christmas cake and Coffee and then left the church.
But the whole week after this Christmas was painfully anxious. I wanted to believe what my friend has told me about God and His salvation but something inside me was fighting with me terribly not letting me to believe that. I waited for the next Sunday to come and I waited for that Sunday like a thirsty man who has not drank water for many days. I attended the Sunday service and it was awesome; every word that was preached was like as if it was for me only; someone was talking to me and resolving my queries which I had; and nobody could answer them. And I started believing that something is there but at the same time my inside struggle have not yet gone. I was still drinking but not daily; now the drinking cycle has come down drastically. I kept going to Church; one day preaching was going on; suddenly the topic changed to drinking and during this preaching I felt that someone has slapped me with tons of power and something has got down into my heart, I was in a shaken state. I was astonished can’t tell that experience in words, it was with full of grace and heavenly so soft but yet so powerful. I can’t forget that. And that was the day my drinking habit has GONE. Many evenings came thereafter but there was no urge to drink I was a happy man every evening without drinks which was impossible for me to stay without drinks in the evening. I was not able to believe this transformation. One day I was sleeping and when I woke up it was evening, someone knocked my mind and said ‘let’s drink’, and I tried to descend from bed to go to the Liquor shop. But to my surprise my legs could not touch the floor as if someone has bind me there and telling me NO; you should not go, and I listened to that voice and obeyed.
On one Sunday while heading to Church someone said into my heart “Let’s be a Christian” and that voice was so strong that I could not resist that command and within three months going to Church I took Baptism believing that Jesus is the only God. He is my Savior. He is my Redeemer who came for me to save me from sin, who came for me to give me an eternal life.
I owe my life to Him
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